Breaking up is hard to do...

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I had to break up with that guy in my head, the one I created as a girl, the perfect man, the perfect mate, the one I have been searching in vain for all of my adult life and the one I will never find cause there is no way in hell he exists.  Yeah that one....I had to break up with him...and it is for good this time. He never calls. He never takes me out. I am always left unfulfilled and longing for more. He never compliments me. He never takes care of me, holds my hand when I cross the street. Can't remember the last time, if ever, he made me dinner or brought be fresh flowers. I am usually left talking to myself as I mull over our problems...he isn't much of a talker.  He has never met my nephew or my cats. I dress up for him, have my hair and nails done and he never seems to notice. What must I do to get his attention, to get a single glance my way, to have a word of kindness uttered in my direction, a simple recognition of my existence? So for this and so many other reason, I have to break up with the guy in my head. 

You see, I have found a man in real life who does all the thing Head Guy doesn't do. Real Life Man is not the guy in my head, he never will be, he will never be this figment of my imagination in a place where I can live and be happy in my head with my warped sense of what a relationship is supposed to be.  Come to find out I don't want him to be.  Head Guy can never ever give me what I want and as much as I love him in my head, in my awake life, he leaves me empty and hollow.  Real Life Man fills me full of life and love, sweet nothings, soft kisses, kind words and he holds my hand and my heart. He engages with me in conversation about movies, life, news, nothingness and the weather.  He is nothing like Head Guy yet everything that Head Guy was supposed to be.  Real Life Man is what every little girl hopes the guy in her head will turn out to be. I guess I am one of the lucky ones.

Saying good bye is hard to do....Head Guy has sustained me through lots of tough times.  He is what I know.  It is like giving up a really good bad habit or a defensive mechanism.  I let him go reluctantly yet happily.  Thanks for the memories.

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